A Creative Mess

Halloween 2010...yes, you heard me right lol

2011-03-03T12:01:00.001-07:00

Man, I am so not good with this blogging thing anymore. Life just gets kind of busy, you know? I know I need to be better at it...not for any other reason than the fact that this is my journal, and so without it there are a lot of great moments going unmentioned in the book of my life and the life of my kids. SOOOOO...as time is not on my side right now (I have to go make Cole's lunch and get him ready for school)....I will leave with a few photos/scrapbook pages from Halloween time. Yes, that's how far behind I am! lol (Actually I am even farther behind).

(click on them if you want to read the pages)

We did the Syracuse Pumpkin Walk, 2 different ward Trunk or Treats, did some Trunk or Treating at the mall while it rained, and then went Trick or Treating around our old neighborhood with friends.

Oh, and we can't forget "Spooky Hill" mini golfing at Cherry Hill.

And just a blast from the past:0)

Guest Blogger

2011-01-26T09:04:00.004-07:00

I am a guest blogger over here today!

The Boys Apartment

2011-01-25T19:14:00.009-07:00

Yes, Blake and Cole have their own little apartment. Really, it is just the finished basement equipped with a bathroom in our new (old) home. It was in really bad shape when we first moved in. Well, I guess not too bad...but by my standards is was. Dingy, dirty...definitely not a nice room to want to go to bed in. Sometimes I didn't even want to go down there (of course, I had to since that is where the laundry room is too). Their old bunk beds had seen better days (they had been taken apart and moved a few times) so we decided that they would get new beds. Of course, leave it to our cats, who were mad we left them alone for a week while we took a trip, to pee all over the boys mattresses, causing us to have to buy new mattresses too. So, I just decided that starting from scratch was a good thing. My whole thought process in doing their room (and still having to finish it up) is how I could do it as inexpensively as possible but still make it seem like it could be a room out of a magazine. (ok, I don't really know if I've come close to achieving the magazine look lol).

Here are a couple of pictures of when we first moved in. (I'm never good at taking "before" pictures...I always forget so this is as good as it gets!)

Here we are walking down to their "apartment" from the family room. That rug is from IKEA and was only $17, but we already had it so really it was free:0) The curtains were $10 from Target and I will be painting a thin orange stripe down both sides of the panels to give it a little color and interest. We also got new faux wood white blinds because the other blinds were those cheapy mini blinds and were all messed up anyways.

This photo is of the bookshelves/mini desk that I made. We had two of the cheap particle board bookcases from walmart ($15 each, but since we already had them and were going to get rid of them anyway, we count that as free). I trimmed them out with pine boards, painted them and then added a board in the middle for a mini desk and for a "built-in" look. (the trim probably cost around $10 total) Eventually that white heater is coming out and there will be other things on the wall.

These are the boys beds (duh!). I made those corkboard headboards myself for $20 each using a couple of 1x4s and 12x12" corkboard squares. The bedding is very neutral because I want it to be able to go with other things if we decide to switch up paint colors down the road. (I am also in the middle of making a couple of throw pillows for their beds.) The dresser needed to be repainted which you can see in the next picture.

Here's the dresser repainted, but I'm also showing off the ledge shelves I built from scrap wood I already had (I love free!)
This is the view looking back towards the stairs and the entryway to their bathroom.

another view...and that hallway wall coming down the stairs is going to have a collage photo wall.
Anyways...there are still some things I want to do with it...Rome wasn't built in a day! But it's getting there and the boys love it. I'm also glad that I was able to make it look this good for little money!! The beds cost the most...they were $150 each, but they are storage beds so it was worth it. Check back soon for more updates on our house!

Creating the Me I Want to Be

2010-12-31T22:39:00.003-07:00

I started a new blog!! Now I have 2 that I have to try and keep up on...lol

Myspace Blogs

2010-12-28T16:48:00.052-07:00

Merry Christmas...

2010-12-25T16:44:00.002-07:00

A Christmas Ham

2010-12-16T21:35:00.004-07:00

Ham, as in, Cole is such a HAM for the camera!! For your enjoyment and to get you in the holiday spirit...here is Cole's rendition of Rudolph:0) Enjoy! lol

Growing

2010-12-14T13:00:00.004-07:00

To me, Blake and Cole will always be my babies. No matter how old they get, I will still see them as the tiny newborns that I held in my arms and stared at for hours. The babies I had to do everything for and lose precious sleep for. Of course, no matter how tiny I see them in my mind, they are getting older. Everyday I become more and more aware of that fact. The more friends they make, the easier it becomes for them to read and do homework, the less and less they need me to help them do things (which is sad in a way but also sort of freeing! lol) .... they are not my little babies anymore. Blake will turn 8 in June...JUNE!!! That's in 6 months! He will be baptized, he will get to start scouts, and then a couple of months later he will start the 3rd grade. I remember 3rd grade...i had a boyfriend in 3rd grade... a boyfriend that I kissed behind the big Tee-pee tent we made in our classroom when we were learning about native americans. How can I have a kid that old?! One that might eventually get seduced by a cute little 3rd grade girl with pigtails into kissing them behind the tee-pee!! And Cole is not that far behind him being only 16 months younger! My point is that they are growing and I can't stop it. I am no longer buying toddler toys for them, but things like Star Wars action figures and nerf guns. We no longer shop in the baby/toddler sections of the clothes isles. It's been full on "Boys" clothes for awhile now. (and let me tell you that I actually did tear up a little when I bought Blake his first shirt from the "boy" department where they are measured as S, M, and L). I want a way to remember those times when they were little, and for the boys to remember just how much I loved them (and still do) as they get older, become more independent and maybe start not liking me as much (one can hope that my teenage boys will still call me mommy and give me kisses right?). So, I decided to make a slide show for them of pictures of us together (and of course ones by themselves as they have grown). I did Blake's first, and hope to finish Cole's soon. It's not easy going through thousands of pictures... The song is "Godspeed" by the Dixie Chicks which used to always have me in tears every time I heard it. When I was pregnant with Blake and even when I was pregnant with Cole, I so hoped for a girl. I have always wanted a little girl, but I would never trade my boys for anything. They are my world. I love you little men!!

**Disclaimer- there are many photos in here I put in that normally I would not want people to see of me, but I did it because my boys were cute!**

**also...for some reason the ending photo and words got cut off so I have to go back and redo it.**

Christmas Is a Time for Miracles

2010-12-09T19:08:00.008-07:00

So, the hard part about taking a blogging break is coming back and not knowing if I should just start out new, or if I should try and post about everything that has happened the last few months I've been away. I think tonight I will just start out with the present since I am about to go write my lesson for Relief Society and that needs my full attention! ( I won't get into how scared I am to teach Relief Society...it is only my second time and although i didn't break down crying the last time, I think it might be possible this time! lol)

Every Christmas we head down to Temple Square to see the lights and to help the boys remember that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus Christ. I think we've done pretty well over the years intermingling the secular traditions with the spiritual traditions. Our kids are very aware of the fact that there is a reason why it is called CHRISTmas. But, I also LOVE how their faces light up when they receive a video message from Santa, sit on his lap and talk with him or receive presents. It's magical. Everything about Christmas is magical. I love to sit on the couch by the lit up tree late at night when it is quiet and just think and dream and ponder. It is beautiful and I can't imagine a Christmas without the soft lights, the hot cocoa, the Christmas carols and families around the TV watching cheesy movies about Santa! It is my favorite time of year!! It is also the hardest time of year...Last year especially...when the season seems so magical, it's hard not to get caught up in the fairy tale. Christmas time is supposed to be perfect. Miracles are supposed to happen. Now, i know that miracles happen everyday, but for a family that has been waiting years for another child, we get our hopes up more this time of year...hoping, that by some miracle, we will have our new little one by Christmas. (and a reminder that last year, when it was supposed to happen, it didn't). I'm a dreamer, and so it's not uncommon that before I fall asleep at night I have vivid imaginations of getting a call the night before Christmas about a baby being born at that moment that will be coming to our family. I know of people it has happened to and can only dream that it will happen to us too. I know it's not reality, and I know that more often then not it doesn't happen that way...but hey, this is Christmas after all, the season of miracles. Can't I at least dream?

Either way, I am so thankful for the children that I do have. They are my greatest blessings. They wear me out and drive me crazy A LOT but I can't imagine them not being a part of me.

Temple Square 12-7-2010

Sheesh....

2010-11-20T14:36:00.003-07:00

That was one long vacation from blogging! New posts to come shortly!!

SEVEN

2010-06-11T21:10:00.004-06:00

This handsome little guy turned 7 today! Luckily we had his party Tuesday night when it was NOT raining. (It rained last year on his birthday too). Party pics to come later. Love you Mr. Man!!

School's Out For Summer!

2010-06-11T20:41:00.005-06:00

Friday, June 4th, 2010-

Not only was it Blake's last day of 1st grade...it was also his last day at Crestview.

I think I am just as sad as he is.

A lot of the teachers and aides there knew about his autism and were always so sweet and helpful with him. The principal knew him well and of course he had good friends that he had made over the past 2 years. I am worried about him being able to make new friends at his new school so it was a tough decision for me whether or not to have him switch schools or to just drive him back to Layton everyday. In the end though, I decided to move him, because we are now in the home that he will grow up in and I really want him to be able to make friends with kids who live around us and hopefully they will be able to see past his differences.

on his way to his last day of first grade

Friends waiting for the bell to ring
Penelope, Morgan, Carson, Blake and Jordan

Blake, Emily, Morgan and Lizette. (There were only like 10 students in class that day)
Blake LOVES Emily...he wants to marry her and says that her last name will be Bias when they get married! lol So dang cute!!

Blake and Ms. Campana

Goodbye Crestview!

Last Hurrah

2010-06-11T19:54:00.008-06:00

Blake's school always has a carnival right before summer vacation. Well...at least they have the past 2 years he has been there. We didn't end up going last year and he would NOT let us miss it this year. So I braced myself for the heat and the expenditure of lots of money on sugar and cheesy "rides". The boys had so much fun and it was kind of Blake's last hurrah with his friends from Crestview Elementary. When he starts 2nd grade in August he will be going to a new school closer to our new home...part of him is happy for something new, and part of his is sad to be leaving the friends he has gotten to know over the past two years. At least he ended the school year on a great note!

(This is about as far as both boys ended up climbing....we will have to work on their rock climbing skills)

Blake and Max- Gladiators!!

Cole and Tyson- his blue lips are from the snow cone...not his emo lifestyle! lol

How can you tell when a kid is enjoying his food?

when most of it ends up in his lap!

Brothers...

Blake and Brooklyn...the sweetest girl who has looked out for Blake a lot.
Xander and Blake
Cole, Carson, Xander and Blake

"We are lean, mean 2nd graders now!!!"
Yep, Blake will definitely miss his friends.

Memorial Day

2010-05-31T19:18:00.006-06:00

One year ago today, I was in California shooting a wedding and some family pics...these crosses were set up by the Santa Monica Pier. They represent all the soldiers who have died in Iraq....and I didn't even have my wide angle lens to get them all in the shot. There are so many others who have fought and died for our country and our freedom in different wars and different situations...and I am so thankful for them all.

I hope everyone had a great Memorial Day and that you also remembered the reason why today is a holiday.

Old to New

2010-05-16T19:38:00.010-06:00

One of the easier home projects I've been working on, besides all of the painting, is this hallway bookcase for our upper level hall. (to the right is our bedroom and the bathroom; to the left is what is going to be the nursery, and straight back...the room with the door open...is my office. The boys' bedroom is down in the basement...they have their own little apartment down there complete with bathroom).

Anyways, I took this old, cheap, white bookcase from walmart (which I bought 7 years ago) and decided to beef it up a little and make it pretty.

I tore off the back board (because the air vent is back there...I swear they put those in the worst places!) and then turned it around because the back side of the shelves were more flush with the actual bookcase so it would make it easier to add the trim around the edges. I nailed the shelves into place to make it studier and then added the trim for about $6 (I still have some left over but I needed two different sizes.) I filled the holes with spackle and then sanded and primed it. Then I spray painted it a lavender purple. It is not completely finished though. I am looking for a very specific type of wrapping paper to mod podge onto the actual shelves. It needs to be purple, yellow and gray maybe with swirls or modern flowers. I have the image in my head but so far I haven't found what I am looking for. I guess I still have to consider it a work in progress. So, here it is for now and I love it!! The lamp, that you can't really see, is this lamp...but the bigger one that sells for $16.

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I'm thinking of replacing it with a taller lamp because this one was originally bought to go on our table behind the couch in the living room. I think it might look a little better too if it was taller and had color. Obviously the wall is higher so I am planning on getting this to hang right behind it.

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The house is finally starting to come together and I am so amazed what I can do on a very tight budget and by reusing things I already have and making my own art. It's a fun process and I'm so glad that I get to be creative! Shawn even loves it!

Sneak Peek...

2010-05-12T10:46:00.006-06:00

...of what is coming to the boys' room.

along with my own "cheaper" version of this

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Living Room Design

2010-05-07T19:52:00.003-06:00

I know exactly how I want the Living Room in our new home to look. I want it to go from this...

...to this....

For now, though, I have to keep it pretty simple. I'm going to do most of the work for this by myself...but it will still take time. I want to make the built-ins, get an electric fireplace, and knock out two little windows on the outside wall but know that this project won't be even started until next year sometime because of other pressing projects that need our attention now. So, I'm trying to get the idea of what I want for our living room now and I've come up with this...

(Don't mind my cheesy photoshop collage) Bright, Colorful and happy!!! But also realistic for our budget and time right now. I've already replaced the blinds and started adding molding along the bay windows. The chocolate brown paint has also been painted on the wall with the windows and front door. (I haven't taken pics of that yet). I'm in the process of making some art...I'm trying to combine spiritual quotes with whimsical, colorful paintings as I paint. Pillows are also in the work. I got a a couple of different fabrics in my accent colors from IKEA a little while ago just waiting for me to bust out the sewing machine. The curtains and "sleeves" for the couch cushions will be made from the fabric above. (If you picture a candy bar wrapped up...the sleeve is basically fabric wrapped around the middle part of each cushion for added color...and in the case of a white couch it is added protection from stains). I love being able to create!! To make my house beautiful and be a HOME to my family. I want it to be a place of refuge and relaxation where my kids and husband WANT to come home to. Most importantly, I want it to feel like a Temple on Earth. Hopefully I can get more of these projects done soon and share more photos!

Eye Candy

2010-05-05T18:47:00.011-06:00

(yes, I'm talking about us lol!)

Lots of different projects going on in our house. So many things that NEED to be done and so many things that I WANT to get done. Right now I am excited because I am working on making this beauty (hint of sarcasm) into something gorgeous for our hallway. (I so wish we had the money right now to rip up that carpet)

(Don't mind Cole, he always has to be the center of attention:0) )
This was one of those $19 bookshelfs from Wal-Mart that we bought 7 years ago for Blake's nursery. I have been using it these last couple of years in my office but now I am going to be making it into a piece of art...at least I hope it will turn out that nicely!

In other news....I have been really into the color purple lately; mixed with grays...so modern but feminine. I think we will be seeing those colors a lot around our house (maybe I am hinting as to something I might be doing with this bookshelf since the gray wall is behind it!)

I REALLY want these chairs!
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Do you think Shawn would let me paint the ceiling purple?
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And, of course this isn't purple, but I loved it anyway! Aqua is my absolute FAVORITE color!! This kitchen would be amazing to have!
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I'm also working on a painting...pics to come later:0)

Book of Mormon/ Youtube Challenge

2010-05-03T12:03:00.002-06:00

Facebook is having a challenge today, May 3rd, for all those with a testimony of the truthfulness of The Book of Mormon to share this video with others. I can't share the video without sharing my testimony of this amazing book. It is perhaps the book that has had the single most great effect on my life. While it is a history book of the people in the Americas around the time of Christ's birth, it is also so much more than that...it is a light...a guide...for our day. The words that were written and the compilation of those records were given a great amount of consideration for what we would need to hear in our day. The prophets saw our day and chose what would be of greatest worth to us. When I am reading it, the world goes away. I find peace and comfort, but most of all truth. I understand my purpose for this life and know that Heavenly Father has a plan. I know without a doubt that The Book of Mormon is true. I would die for this knowledge and no matter where life takes me I will never rescind that statement. I am so grateful to have this Book in my life and cherish the messages in it.

If you would like a copy of my favorite book, let me know...I would love to share it with you.

"This is Not Her"

2010-05-02T15:36:00.010-06:00

I'm in the middle of writing a post ( a LONG post) about why we chose the journey of adoption. While it's still in the works ( I don't have endless amounts of time to sit and write) I just wanted to summarize a few things. We've had our profile down for a little while because we are updating all our paperwork with our agency. Last year when we updated (it's a yearly thing) our background checks, fingerprints and all that, our profile remained up. I don't know why they took it down this time but I guess I'm trying to not look at it as time being lost where birth moms could be looking at our profile. I'm trying to look at it as a new beginning. Uploading new photos, redoing some of our questioniares...plus we are switching case workers (we are staying with LDS Family Services but are moving branches from the Centerville, UT branch to the Layton, UT branch) all of this is helping us find "our" baby. I really felt inspired, as we were completing our profile the first time, on little things I should mention, even our "teaser" lines that people would see when just browsing through the profiles. Looking back now I know that I was being directed by the spirit in what to do and say so that "N" could find us. Most of you are probably thinking, "Well, look how well that turned out" but really, I've made peace with the fact that we were supposed to go through that experience for some reason. To grow in some way, even if it didn't make sense that all along we felt that that little girl was meant to come to our family. I can tell this to the world now that I've had some closure. While I've been out of it the last few months and have been depressed, I know that it could have been a lot worse if I didn't have the spirit there to guide me. What I mean by that, is I had a very sacred experience while I was in the hospital right after I held "P" for the first time. I didn't know what it meant because it went against everything I had felt up until that point, but I will never forget the surety of the message I received. I remember that I had just sat down on the rocking chair in the room holding who we thought was our little girl. At that moment I looked down at her and I was overcome with peace, but not in the way I was planning on it coming. The Still Small Voice that I heard, whispered, "This is not her".

At the time, I tried to pass it off as just the fact that since I had not carried her and given birth to her that I just didn't feel like her mom yet. I even asked Shawn about what the bonding is like as a father who doesn't give birth and he told me that it took a little while before you begin to feel like a dad. Looking back though, a part of me, deep down, knew the truth of what I was just told and that is why we were so nervous that "N" was going to change her mind after we left her that day. I loved that little girl. We loved her like she was ours and for that our hearts hurt. For losing her and for the time spent waiting again to find "our" little one. But, she is "N"s and we still love them both very much.

We are now at a point where we want to get back into "finding", not just waiting, and I'm excited! I didn't think that I would ever feel excited about the adoption process again after the failed placement, but it took some time to heal and, while I still have my bad days, I feel the tuggings of my heartstrings to find our baby girl. I know we still have a little while before our profile will be back up (we have to wait for fingerprints to come back again, although, it's not like we've robbed a bank in the last year! lol) so, I'm trying my hardest to be patient while we wait. Please keep checking back with us so we can let you know when our profile goes public again! Thanks for all the concern, love and help that you have given to my family and me. Pretty soon we will find our "Emily Jane".

More Than Clothes

2010-04-28T13:09:00.003-06:00

One of my favorite clothing stores is Buckle. I absolutely LOVE their clothes. I love their accessories. I even used to work there. But today, as I was browsing their website, I became even more in love....and it wasn't with a new arrival, or with one of the male models lol...i fell in love with their graphic design background and the colors. Yep, that's right, click on their link and you'll see what I mean. Ok, maybe you won't be as giddy about it as I am when it comes to such things, but it might just brighten your day:0) (I know I'm weird but it's the little things that make me happy! lol)

Heads Up 7-Up

2010-04-21T09:44:00.009-06:00

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I LOVE rainy days...especially the thunderstorms that accompany them. I think rainy days are romantic and ethereal.

Today I asked Blake what he was going to do for rainy day schedule at recess. He mentioned playing with games that the teacher had in class. That got me remembering back to my first grade class, when I was Blake's age. I went to Orchard Elementary in West Valley City. One rainy day our class decided to play "Heads Up 7-Up" in the classroom for recess. It was just us kids...I don't know where our adult supervision was. So as I was walking around the sea of desks (ok, so I think I may have been walking fast) to find someone to put their thumbs down, I, being clumsy, tripped over the leg of a desk and fell, cracking open the area right above my right eye. Of course I had to go to the nurse, and my teacher came in, saw me, and got all freaked out because I was bleeding like crazy. My mom had to come pick me up and take me to the ER where they called in a plastic surgeon (because it was so close to the eye) to come stitch it up for me. It wasn't the first time I had stitches (that's another story)...but definitely a freak accident (I mean, really, who has to get stitches from playing heads up 7-up?!) That's ok, now I can say that I've had plastic surgery lol.

So, as Blake is playing his games inside today...I hope he is being careful. I'm not really up for a trip to the ER.

-btw- as I was writing this the clouds parted and the sun came out. Looks like he will be playing outside for recess after all. At least falling outside on the playground is a better excuse for having to get stitches.

It's a Love Story

2010-04-20T14:10:00.006-06:00

I just had to take a minute to say that I love this man:0)

Our Honeymoon in Hermosa Beach,CA
August 2001

April 2010

Cole's Birthday- November 4th

2010-04-16T10:31:00.010-06:00

Yeah, I know, a little late. I am starting to *try* and catch up a little on some of the happenings here. (Caution-lots of photos)

Our baby boy turned 5 in November! The little man is growing up so dang fast! Check out his awesome shirt that I made for him

For his birthday breakfast, Cole decided that he wanted pancakes from Mickey D's. I didn't object because I love pancakes:0) Even better when I don't have to make them!

We came home and opened the present that Grandma V. sent from Arizona.

Daddy had to go to work for a little bit but then had the rest of the day off, so we were all able to go to Cole's preschool for cupcakes with Cole and his friends.

Later that afternoon, "N" came down to celebrate with us. She brought Cole 2 little water frogs for his present. He loved them!!
He opened his presents from us...

And if that wasn't enough excitement and sugar for the day, Cole decided he wanted to go to IHOP for dinner to have MORE pancakes!!

Blake being silly

"It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!"

We came home and he blew out the candles one last time on his 5th birthday!

Happy Birthday my handsome little guy!

On Saturday November 7th, we had a get together with some of his little friends to celebrate. It wasn't really a party...we just made cupcakes and had his friends over to play for about an hour. Anyone who knows me KNOWS that I live to throw cute birthday parties...but I was so burnt out from the Baby Shower a couple weeks before that I just decided that he would have fun either way. Yep, I was right...he had a great time!

Child Like Innocence

2010-04-15T23:20:00.005-06:00

um...seriously these girls rock! I love seeing their passion for creating things, and it is done with an innocence that makes their creations all the more meaningful.

Bella

Emily

They are my dose of inspiration for the day...

Whip It

2010-04-15T17:00:00.004-06:00

I have this secret fantasy of one day joining a Roller Derby team...the only problem is...um, falling! I secretly wish I was tough enough to be a Derby girl. Hmmm...maybe one day

Roller Derby by weldinggirl87 featuring TopShop skirts

But until then...a little roller derby eye candy

wdrd - wild, dirty, and roller derby by coco, le rêveur on Polyvore.com

Always a Work In Progress

2010-04-14T20:25:00.005-06:00

Since Shawn and I have been married we have never really had a home of our own...we either rented apartments or we rented houses. That was not the original plan, of course...we didn't want to waste our money on something we wouldn't be making any equity on. We had a home we were building in California back in 2005, but ended up backing out on at the last minute. We had been through a lot those last couple of years in Cali and decided we needed to start over fresh...Utah seemed to be calling our name. So, we got our deposit back (which helped us with our move) and decided to make a big change. We knew that we would have to go back to renting while Shawn went back to school and made job decisions, but we didn't realize that we would have to change homes so much! (This is our 7th home in less than 5 years in Utah). Finally though, we were in a place where we could buy our own home again and FINALLY settle down. It was not easy finding a nice house though. Because of all the forclosures, the lenders were not helping people with down payments on their homes anymore...so we had to go with a HUD home. HUD homes are not necessarily bad, but the ones that we looked at were in pretty horrible condition. There were definitely not many to choose from, especially since we wanted to stay in Layton, but we were able to find a house in Syracuse, kind of close to Layton and all the places we like. Although it is in desperate need of some TLC, it actually wasn't too bad. Not quite as move-in ready for my taste...but sometimes you just have to suck it up. It's in a great neighborhood that has been well established and i am actually pretty happy about this house. I have A LOT of ideas for what is going to be done with this house!

So, here is a pic of the outside...on a snowy day. One of the first things we are going to do when we get our government money (yay for new home buyer tax credit!) is to put up a white vinyl fence to replace the chain link on the right and run down wood one on the left of the front yard. The rest of the yard will stay chain link for awhile. It will give the front a little more curb appeal and I don't like the fact that people can see the boys' playing out back from the street so this should take care of that. Of course, it needs a good paint job and some serious landscaping...but I have to keep reminding myself that Rome wasn't built in a day!! In time it will look like a diamond in the rough...and will be the best looking house on the street! (no really, that is my goal:0) )

As I said, both the outside and inside definitely need A LOT of work...so we've started, slowly but surely, making it our home. We aren't doing any major construction yet...that will be in the months and years to come....most of it is cosmetic right now, but it still takes a lot of time and money, both of which are very hard to find when you have kids. The first thing I decided to work on was the Kitchen/Dining Room area plus the upstairs bathroom. Here are some of the before pics- The house was built in '93 but looks a little 80's-ish

and here are some "During" shots. They aren't "after" photos because we are no where near done!! This photo was taken around dusk...don't mind all my clutter on the counter.

and this one was taken during daylight (don't look at the trash! we had just gotten back from our AZ vacation and were tiding up)

(these photos do not do the paint colors justice, it looks a million times better in person)
Okay, so pointing out that we are on a MAJOR budget (meaning "as cheaply as possible") I did the paint (gray, lime green and white for the ceiling...of course none of the painting is totally finished yet), the backsplash...which if you look at the older pictures it was just that laminate from the counter top going up the sides that I wanted to cover up (The mosaic tiles were $4.99/sq foot and so it only cost me about $20 plus adhesive and grout...but the grout is not done yet and will be a charcoal gray color)...

...and I also did the moldings around the windows. The trim is my FAVORITE thing I have done because it really makes the windows pop and it makes the place as a whole look a lot less shabby.
I hung all the blinds and the roman shades myself:0) I also had to do all the little things like changing out the outlets and their covers, scrubbing the inside of the cupboards and cleaning up that pendant light over the sink with a good scrub and some white paint on top. Again I say, the pictures don't do it justice. I am absolutely loving what this room is turning into!

Of course, we have no pantry...so here is our makeshift one for now and I think the bookcase (Expedit from IKEA) looks great in here! We have a great food storage area in the basement so we can keep most of our food down there. (again, the painting is not done and the white fridge sticks out like a sore thumb...hopefully it will look a little better when I paint the gray behind it)

Our cupboards are going to be this color with this type of hardware and we will eventually redo our counters too... I am going to be putting beadboard up along the back of the island that faces out so that it looks a little more polished.

Like I said, the trim makes the windows look AMAZING!! If you can't tell, I am not done...the window sills are TILE (so ugly!) so I have to knock those out before I can put up a new sill and the bottom moldings. We will be adding crown molding along the top of the wall too.

again....paint not totally finished. Those canvas' are ones I made for our old house. I just stuck them there for now until I can make something new and BIGGER to put on that wall. The banisters are going to be painted the same color as the cupboards. You can also see the family room in this pic...that will come in a later post when I show what my plans are for it.

I can't wait until the cupboards are painted and the hardware on! Plus, all the little accessories that will finish the kitchen off!

I put some photos together just so you can see how far we've come (and yet how far we still have to go!) The floors will be a laminate hardwood and we *should* be getting those with next year's tax return...unless something else comes up before then. Plus, we will be taking out that ugly boxed light and putting in recessed lighting with pendant lamps over the island part.

So, that's the kitchen! Lots more fun stuff to come later:0)

Just Lying Low

2010-02-01T17:38:00.003-07:00

I know you guys have all been wondering where I've been lately. (all 3 of you who read my blog lol) I just want to let you know that we are alive...it has been a very emotionally draining couple of months and when things start to look up again, something else comes along that reminds us of what we lost. I never expected to feel like this, and my hope is that someday soon we will have our baby girl in our arms AND be able to bring her home and be with her forever. There is a lot of random stuff I should catch up on...Thanksgiving, Christmas, Disneyland on New Years posts. Also the post about our new home that we bid on and won the bid today in Syracuse. I'm not exactly sure when we will be moving in and it literally kills me thinking about packing up and painting over the nursery knowing that our baby girl was not brought home to that room, the room that I labored with so much love over. We are trying to find a rainbow to this storm and while the new house, our OWN house, is a little bit of a clearing, I fear the worst won't be over until our little girl is home with us. I'm just trying to live day to day, enjoying my boys' and my husband as much as I can. I do admit that I have been in my own little world lately and haven't branched out much to other people. Just making it through each day is my priority. I will be back soon with updates and hopefully a more positive attitude but until then...I hope you guys are doing well.

Merry Christmas...from us

2009-12-25T19:48:00.001-07:00

27 Things to do Before I Turn 28

2009-12-18T13:53:00.008-07:00

Today it has been a month since Emily (or "P" for the name that N decided to give her) was born. It has been one extremely rough month. I think that I have been through every stage of grief at least 5 times each. I grieve for the loss of the daughter whom we thought was ours, but I also grieve for the hole in my heart....in our hearts. Since we found out that I was not to get pregnant again, it had been a roller coaster of emotions. I was so happy with my two biological boys' and with my husband. If I didn't get to have any more kids I still felt complete. Of course, a few months down the line we started to feel like there was something (or actually, someone) missing, and that was when we truly felt that we needed to begin the adoption process. There was another child out there waiting to come to our eternal family. It was a feeling that I could not deny. And so, we began our adoption journey. It has been a very long and emotionally draining road, and if I wasn't so sure about our child being out there somewhere I wouldn't want to put myself or my family through these emotions again. I am still so happy and blessed with the family that I have, but now there is a hole in my heart that cannot be completely filled until our daughter is home with us and eternally ours.

The other day I was cleaning out my office and found my unfinished "27 things to do before I turn 28" list. I had started out with good intentions but as time went on and things got busier, I just forgot about it. Finding this list was really good for me because it helped me to put some focus into something else besides our adoption. My heart needs to start healing and so doing some activities just for me sounds like a good way to start. I only had about 20 items on that list but was able to come up with a few more things to add. I am now struggling to come up with two more but if I think about it a little harder, I'm sure I can come up with something. This list was totally random...Some easy and some hard. I did realize that I have actually completed some of the things on my list already, so that's a pretty good start. I only have until March 23rd so it will be good to get out and complete my list soon. (the ones that are capitalized are the ones I've completed so far.)

1. Adopt a baby girl
* Yes, that was at the top of my list and is still going to stay there...If anything just for hope.

2. DO A TRIATHLON
* August 1, 2009 Read about it here

3. Sing Karaoke
* it's been so long since I have done anything like that...I would love to do it again. Probably for a girls' night out...anybody want to join me?

4. Learn to ice skate
* another one I've been meaning to do...nope, I've never been ice skating...who wants to go?

5. TAKE A TRIP TO THE BEACH
* I've done that one three times this year already...thank goodness for my business trips:0) (oh, and I got to take the boys' when we drove down for my grandma's funeral).

6. Read at least 10 books
* I have read 8 so far this year...normally I read more than that, but my focus this year was on the nursery and getting stuff ready for the baby.

7. Complete 100 scrapbook pages
* well, I have 28...also a record low...I guess I better get going on that one

8. GO TO A CONCERT
* I went to see Brad Paisley in September with Teresa. It was great!

9. SEW MY FIRST BLANKET
* I've sewed like 10 blankets...I'm pretty good now and have branched out to other things

10. Run 3 5k's
* I've done 2 so far...the Susan G. Komen one and the Layton one on the 4th of July. The one on Thanksgiving was supposed to be my 3rd, but I didn't train for it because that was N's due date...so I will have to get one in the spring

11. Learn to ski or snowboard
* Haven't been able to do that yet....I really need to go though...who knows of any *good and cheap* places for beginner lessons? Maybe even just one lesson?

12. VISIT SOMEPLACE I'VE NEVER BEEN
* I went to Denver in April to shoot Amber's wedding (Thanks for helping me cross that off my list Amber! lol) I also went to Idaho...I had never been there either!

13. Learn to knit
* I actually changed that one to "learn to crochet" because I started going to Crochet club with Cortney...right now I can do a chain stitch and that's about it! lol Bring on the granny crafts!

source

14. Paint a canvas
* I just bought my easel (a Christmas present for me)...so sometime after Christmas

15. FINISH A DUATHLON
* May 2, 2009 Read about it Here

16. GO ON A RIDE ALONG WITH SHAWN
* The most boring night of my life! lol j/k it just happened to be really SLOW that night. We are trying to do another one though...on a night that is busier with more excitement.

17. A WHOLE Night away with my honey
* any takers for babysitters? The problem is that Shawn's off on weeknights, so there is nobody to watch the boys' because they would work the next morning.

18. Organize my photo CD's/DVD's
* I have a million of them...organizing is a good goal I think.

19. Read the Book of Mormon all the way through again
* About halfway done with that

20. Buy our house
* actually it's turned into, buy A house. We are at a crossroads right now and there is a chance we may be moving homes.

21. Start a creativity group
* I think it would be good to get together once a month with people (sort of like a book group) and learn new things from others like painting, knitting, sewing, anything really. Even just having it as a time to catch up on unfinished projects would be great.

22. Take the boys' to Disneyland again
* New Year's Day since I will be in Cali to shoot a wedding (probably going to be crazy crowded though...)

23. The lost disposable camera project
* click here http://www.flickr.com/groups/1107768@N24/ for details

24. Obtain a clarinet and start playing again
* I miss playing a lot. I would love to have a piano, but those cost a little bit more...lol

25. Go hiking in Zion National Park
* I think I can pull this off since it won't be as cold down south

26.
27.

So...I still need to come up with 2 more, but for now I am working on what I have. If you have any ideas of something to do (not too hard, but definitely interesting, because it is already almost January and I only have until March) let me know!

"One day at a time" seems too daunting...

2009-11-29T18:23:00.005-07:00

..."one minute at a time" is more like it.

While blog hopping yesterday I found a quote from Elder Wirthlin that helped me view this experience as something more than just a loss...

" 'For I know the plans I have for you', says the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a future and a hope.' "

"Learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of our on-the-job training. These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others.
The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."

-Elder Wirthlin

I also stumbled upon this amazing article on Patience...it was exactly what I needed to hear.

Surgeries and Hospitals...yuck

2009-11-28T13:40:00.010-07:00

I've been so preoccupied lately with everything going on that I haven't been keeping up with the little things on my blog. Since this is basically my journal, I figure I need to post about some of the other things, besides our failed placement, that have been going on in our lives.

Cole had his tonsils and adenoids taken out on November 9th. They were humongous and were ruining his sleep and breathing. He had started to wet the bed which he never really did before. The doctor told us that because of his tonsils taking up so much space, it was causing sleep apnea which caused him to not get a good night's sleep, which meant that he was in a different cycle of sleep at different times and wouldn't feel the urge to go to the bathroom. It was becoming a mess and so we knew that he had to get them taken out...for his sanity and for ours. We have been so blessed that none of ours boys' have had any major health problems...but it is still so hard to see your little one going into surgery.

Waiting to go into surgery....we waited almost 2 hours. It was pretty crazy.

Cole- chilaxin before surgery

Me and my baby boy:0)

Cole got a little frog and he named him Manny (I don't know why!)

Pretending to sleep...we had two hours to kill! lol

Going for a ride...that was his favorite part of waiting. He got some pretty good speed!

Saying goodbye to my baby...he was so brave.

After about 45 minutes of screaming (he was not happy when he woke up from the anesthesia) I was finally able to calm him down and he fell asleep...we had to wait another 3 hours before he could go home, but luckily he slept most of that time.

Poor little guy:0(

Nope, he was not happy at all...

...until he found out they had popsicles...

...and that he could ride out in a wheelchair.

We thought recovery wasn't going to be too bad, but the first 2 nights were horrible. The 3rd night I ended up taking him to the ER because his temperature had been at 104 degrees all day and he was having difficulty breathing. Turns out that he had pneumonia and wasn't getting enough oxygen, so they admitted him to Mckay Dee Hosptial. (I have a couple of photos from that but they are on my phone and I haven't figured out how to upload them yet). It was the saddest thing seeing Cole in such bad shape and having to spend 2 nights with him in the hospital. It was also exhausting. He was so sick of taking all the medicines that it was a huge fight whenever we had to give them to him. (he was on like 6 different ones.) The pediatric nurses were AMAZING though. I don't think I have ever had that good of an experience in the hospital. They set up a little treasure hunt for him so that he could start walking and breathing without the oxygen mask and he thought it was the most fun thing. I don't think he really wanted to leave the hospital. He got to watch movies all day, he got to paint and play with new toys. It was actually kind of nice for me too, just to kind of get away from the house and not to have to worry about "cleaning" and getting stuff done there.

He is doing much better now. He still sounds like he inhaled helium and the doctor told us that wouldn't fade much more (I guess the big tonsils were keeping his voice lower). That's a little sad to me because I miss his old voice...and this one is actually a little more annoying! lol. I am so thankful that it is over with now though and that he is ok! I don't like seeing my boys' in pain.

Oh, and I found a couple of pictures from the last surgery he had when he was 2 1/2...he had a Hydrocele removed in April of 2007. I can't believe how little he looks here!

Before surgery...after spending the night in the ER with what the nurses "thought" was a hernia...they gave him some local pain medicine and tried to push it back in. Cole screamed the whole time and I cried because he was in so much pain!! I was not happy with the nurses after that.

Checking out his awesome hospital slippers

He's too happy, which means he's not really sure what's about to happen

After getting his sleepy medication...he was so out of it by the time they wheeled him off.

after surgery...my poor little man:0(

Devastation

2009-11-25T20:31:00.006-07:00

On November 18th, 2009 after years of waiting and months of planning, our precious baby girl was born. On November 20th, Placement Day, our birth mother decided not to place. We are truly confused and heartbroken.

I haven't written much about my feelings throughout this process so I figure now is as good of time as any to bring them to the surface.

When we met N (our birthmom) for the very first time, I knew her. I mean, I had never met her before, but when she walked up and sat down on the bench outside the Olive Garden, I knew it was her. I could only see her face, I couldn't tell she was pregnant (she is a very tiny girl anyways so she wasn't really showing at 27 weeks). But in that instant I knew that it was going to be a good first meeting. We had our two boys' with us, which I was kind of leary about, but N told us that she wanted to meet them and so we brought them and just told them we were meeting a friend for dinner. I can say that there were some awkward pauses during the dinner but overall it went really great. We learned so much about her and her life. We talked for a long time, the waiters' probably wanted us to leave. She was the sweetest girl. I didn't know how she felt about us when we first sat down, if she was just meeting with us or if she had already made up her mind, but when she asked the boys "do you want a baby sister or a baby brother?" I knew that she had already decided. Both boys, of course, announced baby sister. N went out to her car and brought back a build-a-bear box (which I could see through a little piece of and saw that there was pink sticking out so I got really excited!!) and she then had us open it and said "you're going to have a daughter"!!! She then told the boys as she put her hands on her belly "This baby is all yours!" Shawn and I (and Blake and Cole) were more than ecstatic! Tears came to my eyes almost instantly and I hugged her. I've always felt like the baby that was waiting to come to our family was a girl. N had picked us to be the eternal family of her baby girl. She had found the family that God had chosen for her baby. I knew I owed her more than I could ever give her. It felt perfect and she even told us that before we met, when she was just looking at our profile, she knew that this baby was meant to come to our family. What an amazing spiritual experience that must have been to have that confirmed to you. N was our Angel...

Before I go on I do have to say that about two weeks prior to her email we had had a family fast and Temple day for finding our birth mom and her finding us.

We got together with N pretty much every week for the next 3 months of her pregnancy. We went to dinner, to the zoo (we had to find fun things for the kids to do), we went bowling and to the pumpkin patch and on October 17th we had a baby shower. We prayed for N every day that she would be comforted because we knew it had to be so hard on her to hang out with us and know that we were going to be the ones that would be raising her baby. We grew to love her so much and that little princess she was carrying...we never had a doubt in our mind that little Emily was not meant to come to our family. She was our daughter...we all knew that.

When N called us on November 17th and said she was being induced I could hardly contain my excitement. I had been so nervous all day because we knew it was a possibility and so we were making all the arrangements we had to. The boys' went and stayed the night and part of the next day with a friend (thanks again Cortney) and we drove the hour to the hospital she was delivering at. That was the LONGEST hour of my life! When we got there we were able to be in her room while she was in labor (she was just getting her epidural so she wasn't in too much pain but as most moms know, even though you have an epidural you still just feel like crap but with much less pain). She wasn't dialating fast so we knew it was going to be awhile. We got there about 6pm and maybe got about 30 minutes of sleep that night (we were way too excited, nervous and uncomfortable to sleep). When she started pushing the next morning we waited outside the room. We heard Emily's first cries at 5:57am and both Shawn and I cried (well, he "teared up" lol) She was so beautiful from what we could see. We weren't allowed in the room (N was getting stitched up and delivering the placenta and all that) and we were so anxious to be able to hold her but we knew that this was N's time and we wanted her to have it with her. We waited in the waiting room for 2 hours when she finally got up to the recovery room...and then it was time. We got to hold our daughter for the first time. I was in love...I had been in love with her from before we learned about her but this was now my daughter... Seeing Shawn with her was the most beautiful thing...AMAZING! Daddy's little girl. I couldn't bear to leave her but we wanted N to have as much time with her as she wanted...so we left. It broke my heart but I knew that we would be with her soon. We went home, showed Blake and Cole pictures and they were so excited to be bringing home their baby sister the next day! We found out that placement was not going to be until Friday though (2 days away) and that actually made us nervous. Throughout the whole time we knew N I was never worried about her changing her mind. I knew, that she knew, that her baby was meant to come to our family and we felt so strongly about it too. We knew that it is always a possibility for birth moms to change their minds but it was NEVER a big fear of ours.

We went back the next day to see N and to see baby Emily. We talked with her and her mom about bringing Emily up to see their family the day after Thanksgiving...we were going to have a very open adoption with them...it just made sense. The more I held little Emily the more in love with her I grew. Shawn and I fought over who got to hold her and when our time was up with her (we had to go pick Blake up from school and we really wanted to let N and her mom have more time with Emily) it once again broke my heart that we were leaving. *That was actually the last time we saw her.* We went home and Blake had told his friends and teachers that we were going to be bringing home our baby tomorrow. Blake has autism, he gets excited about things but never really understands some of them...but he understood everything about getting his baby sister and he was more excited than I have ever seen him. When we got home Shawn had to go to work and I had to drive around (pretty far out of my way) to pick up last minute things for N's placement presents. While I was out she texted me and told me that placement might be postponed until later Friday afternoon/evening. That worried me a lot...I don't know why, it just did. I couldn't sleep that night. The next morning I was so anxious waiting to hear news back from N that I decided to go see "New Moon" (since it had just come out in theaters) to keep my mind off the placement. Right before I walked out the door our caseworker called. She told us that N was having second thoughts. I was a complete mess, my world was crumbling, but I still had to leave...I just couldn't sit around waiting for another call like that. I cried the whole time during that movie praying that she would remember why she was placing her baby and the feelings she felt when she knew that we were the right family. I even had to leave the theater half way through because I felt so sick. It was then that I called Shawn back to see if he had heard anything else from our caseworker and that was when he told me that N had decided to single parent. It was a knife through my chest. Our daughter was gone in that instant...Blake and Cole's baby sister was gone...telling the boys' was the hardest thing I had to do. They were heartbroken. We were devastated.

I can't even begin to explain all the emotions I have been going through this past week. Shawn said it best when he said that "it feels like we had a baby girl and that she died in the hospital." A part of me has died...I am beyond heartbroken. This was our baby girl, we had waited so long for her and loved her more than anything.

I do understand how hard it must have been for N...to place your baby with someone else. We know a lot of birth moms and when they describe the pain I can't even imagine what it must be like (actually, I can begin to imagine now). In a way though I am upset that she knew she was having second thoughts and yet she still let us in. She let us in to hold Emily, to take pictures, and to go home and tell the boys' that their baby sister was coming home. That one gets me the most...I never do anything to intentionally hurt my kids...and yet they are now suffering from the greatest loss they have felt in their short lives.

I know, that despite confirmations from the Spirit, people have their free agency. It is so very hard to rely on someone else's faith for something you want more than anything in the world. We are now back to square one in finding our baby girl. We have waited so so so long and the waiting was killing me even toward the end of N's pregnancy. The nursery is completed, we have EVERYTHING and MORE for our little girl, and I now have to close the door to her room because it breaks my heart every time I look in there. Blake and Cole keep asking when we will be getting "our" baby Emily. I still have hope (insane hope I think) that N will realize all the reasons that she was going to place in the first place. Her daughter having a mom and a dad, having an eternal family...it is a hope that is dwindling more and more now that Emily (actually she changed her name) is a week old.

So, what do we do now? Well, I am pleading with our Father in Heaven to help our new birth mom find us. Despite what we have been through I still have a very strong testimony of the miracle that is adoption...on both sides. I don't know how much longer I can wait...even though N was 27 weeks when we met her it was still the LONGEST 12 weeks....because we have been waiting for 2 1/2 years to find her. I am still in great pain and probably will be for a long time. We have lost a daughter...no other way to put it than that.

Our adoption profile is now back up...so please, help us spread the word. Thanks to all our amazing friends who have been there for us during the ups and downs of this process. If I didn't believe that we have a daughter out there waiting to come home to us, I probably wouldn't have the strength to go through the process again. I put together a little video about our loss using a song that helps me get through the tough times...it's like my theme song.

Also, I have posted this video to my facebook a couple of times but I wanted to post it here. It was made by an amazing birth mother- her adoption story. I still truly believe in the miracle of adoption.

Find more videos like this on Adoption Voices

The Countdown is On!!!!

2009-10-25T18:32:00.017-06:00

Wow, I can't believe it has been more than a month since I have posted! Mainly because it seems like it is going by so slowly waiting for our little girl to get here! There has been so much to do and I am worried that I won't have everything that I want done ACTUALLY DONE by the time Emily Jane is born, but, at the same time, I feel like it's taking forever to get here. (We actually thought she might be born a couple of days ago because our birth mom's doctor told her the baby wasn't growing and they might need to deliver her so she could grow outside the womb. Thankfully when she went to get the tests done, they found that the doctor was wrong and she is growing just fine!! Our BM is 35 weeks and 3 days today!) Sometimes I just sit in her nursery and daydream of the day she comes home and gets to see her nursery for the first time. (not that she will care when she's a couple of days old...but it will still be sweet!) I've put a lot of thought and love into her nursery and even though I wish I could do so much more, (we were kind of limited because of the fact that we don't know how long we will be staying in this house and of course money reasons) I still LOVE how it turned out!! Almost everything we have in that room was something we already had or were given so the main money went into the paint, the fabric, the little odds and ends and of course, all the clothes and the things that I have made too. Blake and Cole used the same crib; the dresser was from my sister (it was too big to fit in her place); the princess netting came from our neighbor and we are going to be getting a glider from a friend of mine which i will paint and recover. The shelves and frames we had already and I just painted them...I mean, I truly loved seeing how this room came together and I am so happy I was able to do this for our little girl. So...most of you have seen these photos on facebook but just in case other people happen to read my blog (all 2 of you:0) ) I'm going to post them here. ***Emily Jane's nursery***- minus the rocker/glider

I have loved this fabric ever since I first saw it and wanted her bedding to be made out of it. Although it wasn't my first vision, I still love how it turned out!

Some of the maternity photos I took of our birth mom are going to be put inside those frames as well...

I know that the curtains are too high but I didn't feel like fixing holes and redoing it so they are staying for now!

the hutch could use a few cute books on the shelf...

Some things I've made for her...
Hair clip jars

2 little pinafore dresses/shirts...i am working on a few more too, just waiting for my fabric to come in

blankets

Our birth mom's favorite color is purple so I wanted to make a blanket with purple in it.

A tu-tu....for pictures after she is born...i want to make another one with brighter colors though
And also, I am in the process of making a cute car seat cover/shell and I've made plenty of hair bows and clips for her too!
I made our birth mom a blanket/quilt to match the bedding I made for Emily Jane but I forgot to take a good picture of it before I gave it to her at our baby shower. (those pictures to come later).

Also, on another note....most of you who are on facebook know what our birth mom's name is and have seen pictures of her because facebook is only available to my friends. Until Emily's birth and placement, for privacy reasons, I am not going to post photos of her on my blog since it is not private. She honestly probably wouldn't care but until everything is final I just want to keep it this way...although it kind of sucks because i do have AMAZING maternity shots of her that we took last weekend and a lot of photos from her at the baby shower that I am going to have to crop her out of when I put them on my blog.

Baby Registry

2009-09-17T17:02:00.002-06:00

I'm all for the baby registries at places like Target, Babies R us and so forth. For first time parents or parents who haven't had a lot of time to get their own things together it is so worth it to have people pick out all the "much needed" items for you and the baby. I was trying to think of the things that I would register for and really, we have had so much time to prepare for this baby, that we don't really need any of the "practical" things. We have it all (although diapers and formula will definitely add up as soon as the baby comes!). The things I DO want, however, aren't sold through places with a registry so how do I register for the things that I would love to have?

Things like this for carrying the baby around.

Or these for the many MANY photoshoots I will have with our baby girl!

There are so many awesome things out there that are not found at Target (I know I know...i might be struck by lighting for saying that!) and I just want to give every small business owner a chance!!:0)

Anyways, just something i was thinking about...

Adoption Donation Yard Sale

2009-09-15T17:28:00.002-06:00

We will be having a HUGE yard sale to help us earn money for our adoption costs. The yard sale will be Friday September 25th and Saturday September 26th at my friend Cortney's house-

310 W 1050 N
Layton, Utah 84041

(Thanks for letting us use your yard and expertise Cort!!)

If any of you have things that you were going to take to the D.I anyways and would like to instead donate to us for the yard sale, just let us know and we will come by and get it from you!!

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With that said, I am now in mourning....
mourning what used to be...
mourning what is probably not going to be again anytime soon...
mourning the fact that I am going to be selling and giving away something that has meant so much to me over the years...
..................................................
my size 3 jeans. my size 5 jeans. my size small shirts. the clothes that made me look good.
everything that i have been hanging onto with the hope that one day i would fit back into them again. It's painful and sad to be giving them up but I know that they are going to serve a better purpose...to help us pay for our baby.

I've held onto them as "motivation" but really they were just taking up space. I, however, did pick out one outfit to keep so i guess i still have a little more motivation. (I WILL get back there soon...I'm determined!!)

So, I guess it's goodbye for now sweet jeans. You will be missed greatly:0(

For those of you size 5ers out there...don't miss our yard sale!! (Which will also have PLENTY of scrapbook products too!)

sneak peek

2009-09-10T18:40:00.005-06:00

While Emily's nursery is not all the way finished yet, I did want to show some of what I have so far. I think once I get the curtains and finish the bedding I will probably want to move things around and change/add some wall decor. (In fact I know I will!) But, I just had to share the colors!!! I had originally picked a "Chic Lime" color of green for the walls but then later decided on "Stem Green" and also decided that since there were going to be so many colors in her room, I needed a neutral color to bring everything together...so I painted two of the walls a "Bittersweet Chocolate" color. I really love the colors!! Especially with the pink on the changing table/dresser! I wanted to add chair rail molding and do the brown on the bottom, green on the top, but we can't do a whole lot of changing to the house yet so that will have to wait. I can't wait until the room is COMPLETELY finished and, of course, can't wait until Emily is born so we actually get to use it!!

IT'S A GIRL!!!!

2009-09-03T13:42:00.004-06:00

We have been chosen to adopt a baby girl due November 26!!! Our birth mom gave us this build-a-bear when we met with her for dinner last night. She is the cutest, sweetest, and funnest (i know that's not a word but it fits!) girl!! I will post more later...right now I am off to pick up kids from school...with a huge smile on my face!:0)
(and a prayer in my heart for our angel birth mom)

One email is all it takes...hopefully:0)

2009-08-30T18:38:00.004-06:00

It has been 2 years since we put in our application with LDS Family Services to begin our adoption journey. It has been over a year since our home study was finished and approved, and it has been 8 months since our profile was put on itsaboutlove.org. In that 8 months, our profile has been looked at 1226 times, our photo album was looked at 323 times, our "getting to know us" page had been looked at 159 times, and our "contact us" page had been looked at 63 times. Of all of those 63 times, we have gotten one email from a birth mother...JUST ONE......................................................
.and that came Friday morning. (Well, actually late Thursday night but I didn't check my email until Friday morning). I check my email all the time, waiting and wondering if this might be the day that we will finally get an email. I keep thinking maybe there is something wrong with the email and so I keep checking our profile to make sure the email is updated with them. On Friday, August 28th, I was taking my sweet time getting to my email (it was more important that I checked facebook first lol!) and of course with facebook notifications and sale ads there was like 75 emails I had to go through. Normally I delete first but as I scrolled down the page I saw in the "subject" column the words "COUPLE_CONTACT"... exactly like that, screaming out to me in huge black capital letters! So what did I do? No, I didn't faint...I yelled for Shawn! I automatically went shaky and found it was hard to breathe. What was it going to say? What was the email going to look like? Was it just a scammer like I have heard other adoptive parents talk about? I had never gotten an email like this before!! Let me tell you, it was sweetest worded letter. Only about 4 senteces long and i couldn't stop reading it over and over again. (I'm not going to post the letter). How could 4 little sentences sound so sweet? Because they could possibly be about our baby.

Shawn and I froze as we hit the reply button...our minds wouldn't work and our fingers wouldn't touch the keyboard. What do we write back? What do we ask? What if we offend her in some way? It took us 30 minutes to even come up with the first line and then we sent in for reinforcements...i called my good friend Tina to ask for advice she she has been through this many times. About an hour later we finally sent a reply email that didn't make us seem too cheesy. That was so hard!!! Of course, that was all I could think about....getting a reply back from her. Luckily it only took another hour or two to hear back. She wanted to call us that night and talk to us. If there is anything I am more nervous about than writing an email to a birth mother, it is talking on the phone with one. I have a serious phone phobia!!! I will normally only call Shawn or my mom. I will call other people if I really have to but I try to stick with emails, texts and facebook! So, Shawn had to go to work and I was left to wonder when she was going to call, if she was going to call, what would i say so that there wouldn't be any awkward pauses. To make a long story short, she called. She was just as nervous as me and after we got of the phone we texted each other about how nervous we both were! We talked about how it might be easier to talk in person. The next morning (Saturday) she called and we set up a day and time to meet. So...on Wednesday, we are meeting her for dinner. I am soooo nervous!! I feel like I am going on a first date! What should I wear? How am i going to lose at least 5 lbs before Wednesday? Should I dye my hair before hand to make sure none of my gray roots show?! SERIOUSLY!!! What will she think of me? Of us? Of my boys'? Plus, now I'm like "Wednesday is too far away!" I want to meet her now! She sounded so sweet in her emails and texts and on the phone! She definitely sounds like someone I would be friends with.

With all of that, I am trying to keep my feet on the ground. Who knows if she will decide to pick us...and who knows if we will really make it to placement time or if she decides that she wants to parent. Who knows if this is even our baby. I have felt really good about this but I feel like I am not in my best state of mind right now to discern all the feelings I am having. I am a ball of mixed emotions but my excitement overpowers all of the negative thoughts!! She is due in November and she knows what she is having but she wants to keep it a secret for just a little while longer. That makes me nervous but, you know, if Heavenly Father really wants us to have a boy then we were meant to have a boy. He will just live in a very girly room until we change it!! lol

I'm nervous, I'm excited, I can't wait!!! I hope the next few days go by fast!!

8 Years!

2009-08-24T18:43:00.000-06:00

Happy Anniversary baby!!! I LOVE YOU!!!

"If You Build It, They Will Come"

2009-08-16T20:22:00.006-06:00

Since we moved into our new house in March, I've been busy planning out what Emily Jane's nursery is going to look like. Sometimes I just sit in her room, look around and imagine having her in my arms rocking her to sleep (ok, note to self- need to get a rocker). I have always wanted to decorate a little girls' nursery and know that if I wait until after we get her, I probably won't have the time or the energy to finish it. So I am decorating now. Plus, I hope that the saying is true "If you build it, they will come." Let me tell you, decorating a girls' nursery is so much fun!!!

I started with the easiest thing for me to do...painting the dresser.

(This is a semi-before picture)

I chose to paint the inside of the hutch the dark pink color that is prominent on the fabric I am using for her bedding.

(These are the fabric and colors and I am using)

Here's the finished product!! Well, kind of...the dresser decor is not done, I just threw some things up there for now. I really love how it turned out!

Now that the easier part is done, I have worked my way up to painting the ceiling, molding, and closet doors white (right now they are that "new house tan" color). Painting the ceiling is a pain in the neck (Literally!!!) but it is looking good. Once I finish with everything that needs to be painted white I am going to start on the wall color which will be this "Chic Lime" color by Benjamin Moore paints (This photo is from the Pottery Barn Teen catalog...that's my favorite catalog!! I LOVE all the bright colors!)

I already have the dresser drawers stocked with burp cloths, blankets, onesies, washcloths...

...but that doesn't stop me from making more!!! I made this blanket last night and I absolutely love it! It is sooo comfy I am going to make one for myself in a bigger size:0)

(oh, and I used the blanket scraps to make this nifty little plush ball toy too!)

of course I haven't shown you the closet full of clothes yet...I will have to show you that later when the whole room is done and I post pictures.

I am ready! The room may not be all the way done but we are so ready to welcome our baby girl into our lives!!! We know that "you don't just get A baby, you get YOUR baby" and we are searching for her and praying for her birth mom. So, to put this out there again, if you know of anyone who may be placing their baby for adoption, please have them look at our profile to see if we are the family that their little girl was meant to be a part of...our eternal family!
https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/10440835/ourMessage.jsf
They can contact us through the site or email us at ParfaitAG@aol.com

(I just also realized that today is the 2 year anniversary of the day we turned in our application to LDS Family Services. What a long process it has been so far but we are hoping for a little one soon:0) )

TriGirl

2009-08-13T22:01:00.003-06:00

(My only triathlon photo)

Layton Triathlon- August 1, 2009
Well, I did it. I can now call myself a triathlete. I wasn't going to do it. I was going to back out. The past few weeks my neck has been bothering me A LOT and so back on Lortab and muscle relaxers I went. To me, that meant no swim training. Whose going to do a triathlon with no swim training? It's one of the hardest things for me to do and I haven't swam since last year! Well, July 31st rolled around and I was still set on NOT doing it. I went in to pick up my race packet and shirt at 4pm (because hey, i already paid for it so I might as well have it!). I walked in and something took over me...I COULDN'T BACK OUT!! I had to do it, swim training or not.

I don't know what I was thinking!! I almost died in the pool the next day! Seriously, I thought that they were going to have to dive in after me because my heart was beating a mile a minute and I couldn't catch my breath. I wanted to climb out and quit right then (about halfway through the swim portion). I persevered and ended swimming back stroke the rest of the way so I didn't die. Once on dry land everything was much better! My bike and run were really good and I ended up coming in right behind the girl I started behind in the pool. (She was an amazing swimmer and just took off in the pool which means my bike and run were good enough to catch back up to her). I was 4th in my age group and 34th out of 43 for my heat. I was so surprised and happy that I didn't come in last!! (Which was what I expected). I am so glad that I did it and can't wait to do more! One step closer to overcoming the anxiety that has been with me since the beginning of my heart problems. A major milestone....I have had 2 heart surgeries and I am now a triathlete!

Catching up on some summer activities

2009-08-10T20:00:00.002-06:00

Friday June 19th- Carnival at Aunt Kristi's work- (AURP)

What's better than a carnival?! A FREE carnival! My sister's work was having a carnival for it's employees and their families and since her son was in California for the week with his dad, she asked if the boys' and I would like to come along. My mom also came with us. We had fun!

AURP- her work

it looks like I'm the only one having fun here, but really, they just don't like taking pictures.

2009-08-10T07:50:00.000-06:00

Monday June 22- Fishing at Jensen Nature Preserve in Syracuse

We've gone fishing quite a few times this summer. Of course Blake likes playing with his cars more than sitting and watching his pole, but who can blame him?

2009-08-10T07:45:00.000-06:00

June 24th- It was a hot day but Blake and Cole had been wanting to ride the Frontrunner down to Salt Lake for awhile so we decided to just go for it. We connected with TRAX and got off at Temple Square to go see the "I Am a Child of God" exhibit at the Church History Museum and then walk around Temple Square. We also stopped by the JSMB to get a snack before we headed home. The boys' loved the museum and the Temple but I think their favorite part was riding the train! I was just glad I didn't have to drive and I could relax and read while they stared out the window:0)

Cole's face is bright red from the heat

dressing up as wisemen

Cole feeding the baby...he is so going to be a great big brother

Blake as a doctor!

So I Think I Can Dance...Well, Maybe

2009-07-16T17:54:00.009-06:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about new adventures I want to undertake. I have been blessed/cursed with a "have to do everything" mentality. Even in High School I hated that we could only have 2 elective courses because I couldn't do everything I wanted to do. I still managed to do Band, Colorguard, Drama, Key Club, Odyssey TV, Volleyball, Soccer (Ok, I only did that one for like a month), Dance at a studio, Drumline, and a handful of other things that I at least TRIED for a few weeks. I was never the person who could just pick one thing I loved and focus on that because I wanted to do and try everything. Maybe that was why I was never GREAT at anything. I was GOOD at a lot of things but never put my passion into one thing, I was always wearing thin on energy to give to each.

When I found photography I thought that it was the one thing that would make me extremely passionate and that I would hang on to. And it did! And here's the thing...I am actually pretty GREAT at it (not trying to sound conceited or anything, I was totally surprised that I was great at it...I thought it would take a lot longer for my photos to be up to par with the other photographers). So, I thought long and hard and decided that I wanted to be a photographer...to help out with some bills and to have an outlet for my creativity. I DID IT!! It came on so much quicker than I had anticipated...it has been 2 years and I was thinking that it would take me this long just to perfect the use of my camera and start building my portfolio. I was blessed to know people in the wedding industry that pulled for me along the way and got me shoots so I didn't have to spend money advertising but I also know that I was blessed with a talent and that Heavenly Father was their the whole way helping me refine that talent and make good use of it. I am in no way leaving the photography business, I am just not going to be doing as much of it. I used to go back and forth about wanting a big business and a big studio of my own...being known throughout the world (ok, maybe just known throughout Utah) as THE photographer...the one you want to have shoot your wedding. I searched a lot of photographer's blogs and realized though that they didn't do much else and that their time with their families suffered. Again, with me having the "have to do everything" mentality, that bothered me.

I only have one life and I am blessed with a husband who works so hard for us so that I can stay home with my kids and do all the sorts of crazy stuff that I do. Ok, so I say blessed and totally, without-a-doubt, mean that. But we have also made a lot of sacrifices for that. Of course I would love to have a bigger house, better furniture, more clothes...the list goes on and on, but I sacrifice those things so that I can stay home with my kids. We've also worked very hard to get to this point in our lives, through all the therapies with the kids when they were younger, Shawn changing jobs, and changing jobs again, and again, moving 13 times in our marriage, my 2 heart surgeries and everything (anxiety, depression) that went along with that, Blake's autism...we are NOW just feeling like we are getting stable. I know that we aren't guaranteed
stability, anthing can happen at anytime, but at least while we are here, not knowing what's in store for us next, (and not knowing how long it will take for us to get our baby) I feel that I want to do what I had always planned on doing and wanted so much...

...to get my BA in Dance

I know what you must be thinking...you're almost 27 1/2 when most of the girl's are 18-22
*You have 15 extra pounds that you have to lose first
*your flexibility has definitely dwindled (and i wasn't too flexible to begin with:0) )
*you have 2 kids and are trying to adopt
*You were never the best dancer...a good performer maybe, but technique was not a strong point...just because you love it with a passion doesn't mean you are ever going to be great.
*what about the kids while you are going to school

I know what you're thinking because these are my thoughts exactly!! I think I must be crazy.

I was researching the dance department at Weber State the other night...not having made any decisions, but the thought of dancing had just popped back into my head (and since I haven't been watching SYTYCD this season, I know it wasn't just the excitement from watching others dance). The next day I got this in the mail

and told myself it was a sign! (ok, not really a sign but I did think it was kind of cool but wouldn't base my decisions on it).

So, here's my plan...to go back to school Fall of 2010 at Weber State. That gives me a year to lose the extra weight, to become flexible again, to figure out all my financial aid and get all my stuff transferred over, to work on some technique on my own so that I don't go back to school totally out of practice, and to hopefully adopt a baby by then:0) Shawn's schedule changes every four months now but it won't change much and it will make it much easier for me to go to classes when he is home...plus, since they are dance classes, I won't have to worry about spending another hour during the day working out!

I am excited and I daydream about it all the time...now it is time to step up and make it happen. I wanted to have a photography business, and I do. I wanted to learn how to sew, and I did. I wanted to become a triathlete and on August 1st I will be one. I know that I can do this....I might be 35 by the time I graduate but I am a strong believer that age doesn't matter. I also know that anything can happen and that I might have to put it on hold...but I never want to think back to "what would have been".

Stay tuned to my blog for more insane things that I want to do in this lifetime!!

There are so many things in life to be passionate about, I don't think I could ever pick just one!

From God's Arms to My Arms to Yours

2009-07-12T22:39:00.004-06:00

I have pretty much had a one track mind lately. As if you couldn't already guess it's been all about trying to find our birth mom and baby Emily. It's tough just sitting here waiting and I try to be as proactive about it as I can, but try and draw the line when I feel I just want to go up to pregnant people on the street and ask them if I can have their baby! It's been a very emotional ride for us and together with some other things that have been going on in my family, it makes it harder for me not to get depressed and wonder why things happen the way they do and why some people can make the decisions that they do. I have been following the blog of a birth mom who chose to place her baby with an adoptive couple last year because she loved her baby girl so much that she wanted to give her everything that she could not give her at the time...a mother and father who loved each other, financial stability and so many many more things.
http://anabananandee.blogspot.com/2009/02/whole-story-part-1.html
I also follow the blog of the adoptive family she placed her baby with because it is awesome to see the perspective on the other side. How much love their is between the adoptive couple and the birthmom...adoption truly is a miracle on so many levels.
http://dustinandrea.blogspot.com/

While searching YouTube for a video of a Michael Mclain song that I love so much about adoption, I stumbled upon this video which is actually Andee (the birth mom whose blog I follow) singing while photos of her, the baby girl, and the adoptive family flash by. Since I have been emotionally invested in this family's story, it made me ball like a baby through the whole thing. I think it is a very powerful song and sends a good message that birth parents aren't taking the "easy way out" by placing their baby, and it's not because they don't love them. Their love is more sacred and deep than anyone who has never had to go through that could imagine. they love them so much to want a better life for them. It's not "easy" by any means. I have so much love and respect for all birth parents out there and I can't wait until we are blessed to find ours. I know we will become great friends, after all, if it wasn't for her selflessness, we would not be able to bring another child into our eternal family.

Pass It Along

2009-07-08T15:13:00.004-06:00

These are our new pass-along cards that are being printed up. If any of you would like some to pass out for us, please let me know and i will GLADLY and APPRECIATIVELY mail them out to you!!

(The top is the front of the card and the bottom is the back)

2009-07-04T13:11:00.000-06:00

$1.99 + tax

2009-06-30T21:40:00.002-06:00

I've noticed recently that every store is coming out with cuter and cuter versions of their reusable bags. This one, from Michaels, I could not pass up. Best 2 bucks I ever spent!!

"I love to see the Temple...

2009-06-30T16:43:00.003-06:00

..I'm going there someday."

Last week the boys' and I took the Frontrunner Train down to the Church History Museum in Salt Lake for the "I Am a Child of God" exhibit and then we walked around Temple Square for awhile. This photo melts my heart:0)

"You bought a boat?" -Monica

2009-06-28T13:20:00.003-06:00

"Yeah but it wasn't for me, it was for a friend." -Jill (Rachael's sister) -FRIENDS
(okay, for those who don't know my family all that well, we tend to quote "Friends" in everything we say...I think we have seen all the episodes one too many times!)

Taking our boat out on Willard Bay- June 8th

Last year we bought a boat for just over $100.00. Nothing fancy, it had a motor and needed a lot of cosmetic work. (also some other work mechanically that when Shawn talks about it i tend to just nod my head and say "uh-huh"). Anyways, Shawn has been so excited to get this dinosaur of a boat up and running so that we could take it out on the lake. I have to say that I was not as excited....what happens if we got it out on the lake and it started to sink, or the motor quit working and we had to paddle all the way back. I mean, you get what you pay for, right? And since we didn't pay that much, I wasn't expecting much. Shawn agreed to go out on the boat once beforehand to make sure everything worked well before we drug the boys' out on the lake. Well, I was impressed that he didn't have any problems with it so I agreed it was time for us to go out on it. Now, it's not that big and not that fast (Shawn wanted it mainly for fishing) but eventually, if we ever have the money, we want to get a nice boat that we can take out for some water play. But, for now, we think this was a pretty nice investment for family fun...

(a "before" picture)

Trust in the Lord

2009-06-12T19:58:00.000-06:00

6 Years Old!

2009-06-11T21:02:00.004-06:00

I can't believe Blake turned 6 years old today!! He is getting so big it's ridiculous. I don't have much time to post right now I just wanted to tell my little man, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Royer Fam Sneak Peek!

2009-06-08T23:53:00.003-06:00

I know you guys have been waiting to see your pictures and while these are definitely not all of them, I wanted to let you guys see a few! Thanks again Kristi, for the wedding shoot and letting me take all your family photos...you are one of my favorite families!! Thanks Travis and Brittany for letting me crash at your place! And of course, thanks to Brad, Amanda, Juarez and Karli for just being cool like that!:0) You guys are awesome!
So here are a few...in no particular order
(click on photo to see full image in flickr)

Does this look like work to you?

2009-06-03T16:17:00.003-06:00

Me...just another day working. There are times when I LOVE my job:0)

(not the best photo...and don't ask me why I'm posing like this. I always feel like an idiot just standing there smiling by myself. I feel like my eyes got swallowed up by my cheeks! That or I am just squinting really badly!)

Please Help Us Get the Word Out

2009-05-19T15:59:00.008-06:00

update- the web address no longer has beta in it...it is just
https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/10440835/ourMessage.jsf
Don't ask me why they don't make it easier with just a name or something:0)
(Click to see full image)

Heart Problems? What Heart Problems?!

2009-05-04T13:46:00.005-06:00

I can't remember exactly when I told myself that I wanted to be known as a triathlete. It was sometime last year when I really thought "yeah, I can do this!" I trained for my first triathlon all summer...swimming, biking, running and was doing so well (at least in the biking and running categories) but when it came to swimming, I just needed more time in the pool...but that was hard because it took more time and it also took money to go swim at the rec center. I also changed my mind about doing an open water swim for my first triathlon. I had heard stories about swimmers who have "gone under" during the swim portion and because of my past heart problems i decided that maybe it was a better idea to stay in a pool for my first couple of times. Two weeks before my first triathlon in September, my neck pain(which I also have problems with) became so severe that I was on muscle relaxers. So much for training. "It's ok," I thought to myself, "I just must not be prepared enough and so I will wait for next year." This is next year and I still have not found the time to go do swim training but I was anxious to do SOMETHING towards my triathlete goal and so I found out about this duathlon that Hess Cancer Foundation was putting on (I did their 20 mile Legacy Bike Tour last year). I was bummed because i wasn't going to be here the day it was going on (it was supposed to be the day of my Denver trip). When I found out they changed it to May 2nd I was so excited because I knew I wanted to do it! And I did!!! In the pouring rain, no less! I did the short course which was a 2 mile run/ 10 mile bike/ 2 mile run and it was the coolest thing ever! I felt so empowered like "heart problems? what heart problems?" I still want to be a triathlete and hopefully I will be able to do swim training sometime this summer but as for now that was a great start and I enjoyed being able to accomplish it.

My bike and me (yes, i look horrible in this photo...my alarm didn't go off so i didn't get a chance to shower...i know, shower before a race? but it helps my muscles warm up and makes me feel a million times better...but i missed it this time) Oh and yes, I know that I don't have the traditional Bike or Run clothes...just way too overpriced for me right now!
This is what the drive to Farmington looked like that morning....soooo rainy!!
Not that many people actually showed up for it because of the rain, but I am hardcore like that!
Me, after the race. wet and cold down to my bones! again, I'm hardcore!
I love getting the t-shirts from races! Of course they are not always nice looking (as you can tell from this one) but it is a sign of accomplishment to me!
My race number
My medal (the stars light up)

2009-04-22T17:57:00.005-06:00

80 Degrees....such a change from last week (and from my weekend in Denver). Blake and Cole got a slip-n-slide from the Easter Bunny and everyday they asked if it was warm enough to play on it...today it was!! They had so much fun (although Cole still gets a little cautious about sliding) and they even played with bubbles and colored with sidewalk chalk. This is what it means to be a kid!

10 years later

2009-04-20T17:59:00.003-06:00

I think that the Columbine High School Massacre on April 20, 1999 had an impact on so many people around the country and if you were in high school at that time it definitely made you a little more aware of your surroundings, a little more afraid to go to school, and a little more appreciative of your friends and family. I was a junior the year that it happened and I know that it definitely had an effect on me. We got a lot of threats at our school after that. I remember one of them being that there was going to be a shooting in the quad during lunch and so everyone was scared to go out there to eat. We did have a few days where we were put on lockdown because of threats or people wandering around the premises. You could feel the fear of every student in the air...if it could happen in the small city of Littleton, Colorado then it could happen anywhere. We started to look at our peers differently wondering who we had treated badly and who might become a person who sought revenge. I know I wondered if I would have had enough courage as the kids' who stories came out about them saying that yes, they did believe in God and then they were shot. It is something, like September 11th, that will stay in my mind forever.

While I was in Denver over the weekend, I was staying pretty close to the school and felt the need to go and see it for myself. I did not go to the Columbine Memorial though as there were many many people there because it was the day before the 10 year anniversary. There was a reverance there as I stopped in the deserted parking lot (it was Sunday) and looked around at the scenery that we all saw captured on the news. What must it have been like to go through something like that? I can only hope that by the time my kids get to high school (or even in their elementary and jr high years) that they will never have to experience something so gruesome and cold-hearted. Or that they might never even have to experience the fear that comes with "if it happened there it could happen anywhere".

2009-04-17T15:55:00.004-06:00

So I am sitting in my Denver hotel room (actually I am in Littleton at the Homewood Suites) and the snow is coming down like crazy, the satellite for the TV is not working and I am so craving some kind of snack but am not really sure if I want to drive. I have the map to the nearest Target (Targets are like LDS churches to me when we move or travel....no matter where you go they are all the same and that makes me feel a little better when I am far from home) but that will probably be the only place i go tonight.
I am shooting Amber Frey's wedding tomorrow...it was supposed to be outside but obviously it's going to be inside which I personally hate! But with this amount of snow there is really nothing we can do about it. It makes me a little nervous so all I can do is hope that by tomorrow the snow will have at least stopped, even if it is still on the ground. I was not prepared for snow and only have heels and a sweatshirt with me. I totally would have brought my boots and coat if I would have known. My flight was okay...but maybe that was because of the xanax I was on. I haven't flown since november of 2000 when the RCC Band and Colorguard performed at the Colt's stadium in Indiana. I get very claustrophobic on planes, but again, the xanax seemed to help. What didn't help? The bad turbulence and the very bad landing (the people next to me who fly all the time told me it was the worst landing they have ever had.) Luckily I still have another pill for the flight home on Sunday. It's nice having a trip by myself. I miss my hubby and kids and am terrified of the mess I am going to come home to, but it is so nice just to be by myself and to think without interruptions. Maybe it's a good thing that the TV isn't working right now. I've taken a lot of photos already of my trip but here are just a few for now.

(and I really mean just the beggining...you can't even see the roads anymore and I don't think the car rental company hooked me up with a snow scraper)

Easter Bunny

2009-04-15T12:58:00.006-06:00

Ever since Blake and Cole were born all of their photos with the Easter Bunny (and with Santa for that matter) have either shown them screaming, crying, or just trying to get away as fast as they can. (Actually the Santa photos are way worse...i'll have to post them sometime)
(2005)

(2006)

Last year we didn't even bother to take them to see the Easter Bunny or Santa because it was too much work. But this year...drum roll please...

...they LOVED the Easter Bunny.

Just another reason...

2009-04-08T13:53:00.006-06:00

...to want a baby girl

How stinkin cute is this?
http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=14249&pid=641777
Baby fever Baby fever. I have it so badly!

Vacay

2009-04-05T15:10:00.006-06:00

We just got home from a very quick trip to Buckeye, AZ to see Shawn's fam. It was nice not having to deal with all the snow here in Utah! Now I'm trying to recover from the drive and watch General Conference. Photos to come later!!

Two Hundred and Fifty Two as of this morning

2009-03-30T08:08:00.003-06:00

Our adoption Profile Statistics...most of them were probably me looking at it! It was posted in January so hopefully we can get a lot more looking at it in the next few months. Please help us get the word out if you know of anyone looking to place their baby! Thanks! We are so excited and so worried at the same time. Worried that it might take a long time to get our baby.

https://www.beta.itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/10440835/ourMessage.jsf

Profile statistics since your profile was published.

Your profile message page has been viewed 252 times.

Your photo album has been been viewed 146 times.

Your getting to know us page has been viewed 82 times.

Your contact us page has been viewed 31 times.

Holy Bad Blogging Batman!

2009-03-27T09:32:00.004-06:00

There is a reason why I don't keep an actual Journal anymore. The first few days after I recommit to writing in it again, the pages are filled with the stories of what I did those days, how I felt, how I want to be better and all that good juicy stuff. Then, for months, NOTHING! When I finally pick it back up my excuse is that it just didn't look right or just wasn't the right journal for me and so I get a new one, a pretty one, and start the process over again. I have STARTED many journals...but I never get past the first few pages.

I LOVE writing, it's like therapy sometimes. Although when I look back over the worst periods of my life there is nothing but a few pages written about what I was going through. It's because when I write, no matter how insignificant the subject, I have to be in the mood. I have to feel semi calm, semi relaxed and a lot of the time I can't get to that place. Same with blogging. It's been chaotic around here lately. We just moved. Granted it was just up the street a few blocks but moving disrupts your entire life and throws it out of balance for at least 2 months before and 2 months after. Seeing as how we move about every year that doesn't leave me a lot of time in between to get to that relaxed and calm place. So...my blogging suffers and so does my journals...all 20 pages! (I do have a couple of journals from my junior high years that are completely filled and that I wrote in every day but it is pretty much "so and so is soooo cute!")

So...I turned 27 on Monday (the 23rd). I don't know why but turning 27 has felt worse to me than the thought of turning 30. I am making a list of 27 things to do in my 27th year though and hopefully that will help my transition into now being "almost 30". It will make me feel young again! lol

Anyways...that's it for now:0) Time to go shower and finish up some editing. Whatever happened to those days when I could just lay around watching TV? I don't think I did it that often but man, what I wouldn't give for one of those days now!!

There's a First Time For Everything

2009-02-16T15:55:00.005-07:00

...and on Saturday it was shooting in the snow!! So on Valentine's Day I got to shoot Travis and Brittany Royer's wedding (and sealing to Brittany's little boy Alex) at the Salt Lake Temple. Now, they are from my hometown of Victorville so you would think it would be a California wedding (I shot Travis' sister's wedding at the San Diego Temple back in October) but they love the Salt Lake Temple and so they decided to get married there. I think it was a great decision!! (I can say this now that I am not soaked and freezing from the snow!). As I have been going through the thumbnails of the photos they just look so beautiful from the snow and the colors she choose for the bridesmaids really contrast with the white so well!! I only have a few edited at this point but I know the rest are going to be just gorgeous! (Big shot out to my friend Aubre who is starting to learn the biz and came with me to be my "assistant" and hold the umbrella over my camera...thanks girl!!) I love the Royer family! They are so fun and cute! The reception was a blast and I couldn't stop from dancing as I was shooting:0) Travis and Brittany's story is just so sweet that as they were toasting each other I was crying too! I wish you guys the best!! Congratulations!! (click on the photos to see the whole thing on flickr...i don't why it cuts them off on here!)

These are Amanda's twin girls. I swear, every time I see these girls I get baby fever more and more for a little girl! These two are the cutest girls ever! (And the wedding colors were my FAVORITE colors and the ones I were to pick if I were to do my wedding over! Bright pink, orange, lime green and aqua blue!! -notice how they pretty much match the colors in my logo)

I heart Valentine's Day

2009-02-11T18:38:00.005-07:00

I don't know why, but I just can't seem to bring myself to buy those character valentine's where you just sign your name and on you go with life. Maybe it's just the need to create in me that drives me to spend a hours making "homemade" Valentine's for the boys to give to their friends. Of course they help me so it's not like they are MY Valentine's, but there might be one day in the years ahead where I pick up a package of Superman Valentine's and let the boys have at it. This year I came close. It's been busy and I thought to myself, "do I really want to spend all that time on something that will be thrown away anyways?" (Plus, I had to make 60 instead of 10). So, I compromised with myself. I cheated and used the same Valentine's Day photo from last year for both Blake and Cole, used a pre-made digital design for Matchbook Valentines by Mindy Teresaw, and then just cut them up differently to glue onto mini nerds candy.

Just in case you still weren't sure that I included my kids in making their own valentines...here's a couple of photos as proof (and they did go pretty glue crazy so I hope that the nerds didn't stick to the inside of the box if it soaked through).
So, now they are done and the boys have 30 each...20 for their school classes and 10 for their primary classes. I think I am as excited for their Valentine's parties as they are!
Bring on the LOVE!

The Root of All Evil

2009-02-10T22:17:00.002-07:00

yep, these tiny little candy hearts were brought into my life by the devil himself

Thank goodness Valentine's Day is almost over...I feel sick

The Boys' New Beds

2009-02-10T10:00:00.003-07:00

Yep, that's right, we have gotten the boys' new beds. They used to have nice bunk beds, that aside from the fact I haven't finished painting them, look really good (I love IKEA). But now we have decided to sell the beds because they weren't getting as much use as say, some of the other items we have laying around the house...

(note- we aren't really selling their beds...don't call CPS on me just yet!)

6 More Weeks of Winter

2009-02-10T09:55:00.005-07:00

Last week...45 degrees, sunny, hinting of Spring. All the old snow had melted on our front lawn. I should know better than to expect Spring to come this early, but one can always hope, right? Well, wishful thinking was exactly what it was...and this was just the beginning

I Desire to Create!

2009-02-05T14:38:00.002-07:00

I love creating! I often get told that I am so "crafty". I am NOT a "craft" person...when I think of "crafts" I think of the wicker hats my mom used to hot glue lace around for decoration (no offense mom, it was the style back then I guess:0) ). I also think of tissue paper wrapped around old bean cans to make pencil holders. So no, in that aspect, I am not "crafty"! I do, however, love to create handmade things. Anything you do to make something more beautiful than it was is considered creating. I have to do something creative everyday or I will go into withdrawals. Whether that be photography, sewing, scrapbooking, decorating...the list goes on and on...I have to make the time to do it or my day will feel incomplete. It is my way of making the world a more beautiful place. It is my way of making my home a sanctuary of energy and happiness. It is my way of expressing myself. It is my Art.

(I did not design this but I loved the quote when Elder
Uchtdorf said it in his talk last September.
I am printing this out and hanging it on my wall because
I think it is awesome! One more reason
I love Rhonna Farrer)

Trying to be better

2009-02-04T14:58:00.002-07:00

at blogging. Making some changes too so it's a work in progress:0)

100th Post!

2009-01-20T16:39:00.005-07:00

Yay, this is my 100th blog post! Okay, I guess not really that exciting but I figured I would mention it! Plus, it has been a few weeks since I posted so I was thinking, do I go back and post everything that I have wanted to post these last few weeks but just never got around to...or do I just start again with something easy like a little "about me" type thing that would get me back into the blogging habit. Well, I'm lazy, so I decided to go with the easy "about me" thing... so, as Danya had posted this as a myspace bulletin, I am now going to steal it and tell you 44 ODD THINGS about me (well, some aren't really quite that ODD, just more random than anything else).

1) Favorite object in your room?
Definitely the bed!

2) Have you ever smoked heroin?
Nope (or anything else either)

3) Do you own guns?
yep, like 6 or 7 different rifles and handguns

4) What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
I hate Sonic...which brings me to a story. A couple of years ago Shawn got Tater Tots from Sonic and found a fried beatle in the box with the other tater tots!

5) Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Not really...I do get nervous about making the phone call that leads to getting Dr. appt.s...I HATE the phone!

6) What do you think of hot dogs?
As long as I don't think about what's in them, they are pretty good.

7) Favorite song?
It changes pretty much every day!! I love listening to Love Story by Taylor Swift over and over again though...I don't know why, I just like it!

8) Can you do push ups?
Yep...but mostly girly style. when I was 18 I could do 100 of them guy style (when I worked as a personal trainer for 24 hour fitness...we had competitions among the trainers!

9) Can you do a chin up?
I can ALMOST do 1!!

10) What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
My wedding ring

11) Do you like blue cheese?
Did you know blue cheese is only one molcule away from a fungus that grows on your foot?

13) What's one physical trait that you don't like about yourself?
ummm...just one?! i could give you a whole long list!

14) Middle name?
Jane

15) Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
1.
I'm so very very tired! And it's only 5pm
2. Should i get up to see what the kids are screaming about now?
3.
I want a baby girl soon!!

16) Name 3 things you bought today:
1.
Baby Bathtub sling thing
2.
A Dr. Pepper from Carl's Jr.
3. A wrapping paper cutter....so that it's easier to cut the paper to put in the baby dresser drawers

17) Name 3 drinks you drink regularly?
1.water
2. Dr. Pepper
3.Orange Juice

18) Current worry?
Finding a place to live in 2 1/2 months when our lease is up so we can stay in our ward and so that Blake doesn't have to change school so close to the end of the school year

19) Current hate right now?
My house

20) How did you bring in the New Year?
I was laying on my bed, reading a magazine and watching Carson Dailey. I know...I'm such a rock star!

21) Where do you want to be right now?
Asleep in my bed...again, it's only 5pm!

22) Name three people who will complete this?
????

24) What shirt are you wearing?
a black shirt from Downeast and my lime green VS Pink sweatshirt

25) Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
I have never had satin sheets....but I would so love to try them!

26) Can you whistle?
yep...not very loudly though

27) Would you be a pirate?
aye mateys!

28) What songs do you sing in the shower?
Whatever I heard on the radio that day

29) Favorite girl's name?
Emily Jane!!!

30) Favorite boy's name?
Blake Jeffrey and Cole Matthew...duh!

31) What's in your pocket?
nada

32) Last person that made you laugh?
My boys

33) Best bed sheets as a child?
ummm...i don't remember

34) Worst injury you've ever had?
Injury? I'm not really sure...I can't remember that either! (maybe i had a head injury and it ruined my memory:0) )

35) Do you love where you live?
I like it a lot better than I thought i would like it. Go Layton!

36) How many TVs do you have in your house?
3

37) Who is your loudest friend?
they are all pretty loud

38) Who's the sexiest person in the world?
My honey!! oh, and Ben Affleck!

39) Does someone have a crush on you?
Well, I'm hoping that Shawn does:0) As for anyone else...I don't know...but who could not resist this charm? lol

40) What is your favorite candy?
right now at this moment...necco valentine hearts. But of course it changes almost constantly

41) Favorite Sport team?
No favorites...I just always root for the underdogs of the game

42) Where is the next place you want to travel to?
ANYWHERE!! i need a vacation!!

43) What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Making sweet sweet love with my husband! Don't cringe...it's a part of life!

44) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
I hope the boys didn't trash the house while we slept in!

Christmas Morning

2008-12-31T20:55:00.001-07:00

Shawn got home from work at 7:30am on Christmas morning so we opened presents and then sent him straight to bed. The boys were so excited and I loved seeing them that way! Christmas was spent just lounging around the house while Shawn slept...the boys played with their new toys and I watched Veronica Mars on thewb.com with Shawn's laptop. (I really got into that show and had to finish the season!) Then, Shawn woke up about 2:30 and so we went to Denny's (I know I know....how "The Santa Clause" of us) and then he headed to work. It was just a lazy Christmas day and it was actually pretty nice not having to worry about driving or anything like that. (I'll post more photos soon of the boys' and my lazy Christmas Eve while Shawn was at work. Baking cookies, watching "The Santa Clause", decorating the cookies for Santa, reading the Christmas story in the Bible, singing songs and then going to bed...of course, then I played Santa and got everything ready while watching another cheesy Christmas movie...it was actually pretty nice just being by ourselves but I really wish Shawn could have been there).

Christmas Eve Party

2008-12-31T20:51:00.002-07:00

Our annual Christmas Eve Party with the fam...although, instead of Christmas Eve we had it on Monday the 22nd. It was at my mom's house and everyone was there this time except for Kevin and Stephanie, who were in Spokane with Stephanie's family; and Kaiden, who was in California with his Dad for Christmas. We did the normal stuff....ate dinner, sang songs, opened presents, had Santa drop by and then we made gingerbread houses (or more just graham crackers with frosting and candy on top). I'm just glad that Shawn got to be here for that since he wasn't here for Christmas Eve or Christmas. (warning...lots of photos).

updates

2008-12-31T17:30:00.004-07:00

This is what we got my mom for her Christmas present. It's a 16x20 and I was so excited to get it in the mail so that I could see what it looked like. It actually didn't turn out that badly and there is something about seeing my own photo put on a canvas gallery wrap that makes me happy:0) I want one for us too! Although I have so many more photos that I want to make into gallery wraps...maybe when the money fairy comes!

Snow....ahh gotta love snow if you live in Utah. This was the first snowstorm in December and it FINALLY started to feel like Christmas (after an early snowfall at the beginning of October, this storm took FOREVER to get here...December 13th!) So the boys had a blast playing out in the snow and since Shawn was in Arizona, I had the fun exciting job of shoveling the snow so we would not get ticketed by the city.

Different Trips to the Same Place

2008-12-20T17:52:00.004-07:00

Ugh...I have so much to post but so little time! I know you all feel that way! So since I haven't even had a chance to blog hop (sorry if I haven't commented on your lives recently...I really do want to hear about them that's why I love this whole blogging world!) I just wanted to post a story that came off of the Davis County FSA website. It has been on my mind lately (as well as it should because we HAVE TO HAVE TO finish our adoption profile for itsaboutlove.org by the first or second week of January and I am having a hard time doing that!). I think about having another baby all the time...and wouldn't it be so much easier to just get pregnant rather than having to fill out all the forms, wait, fill out more forms, wait some more, make a website, make "business" cards, pretty much pimp yourself out there! Of course I can't get pregnant anymore (well, I could, but that would definitely be cause for excommunication LOL) and even if Shawn hadn't had his vasectomy I'm not supposed to get pregnant. But man!!! I would have my baby by now!!! So....here's just a quick story to help keep me sane and thankful during the waiting game. (and yes, I do have two wonderful biological children but that doesn't make my pain or heartache for another baby any less...those feelings aren't reserved just for the childless).

DIFFERENT TRIPS TO THE SAME PLACE
Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place, you've read many guidebooks and feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.
So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you; you'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait--and wait--and wait.Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, "Relax. You'll get on a flight soon." Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's not fair!"
After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat."
"By BOAT!" you say. "Going by boat will take a very long time and it costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane." So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.
It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia.
Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three more times, marveling about each trip.
Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with other who also traveled by sea rather then by air.
People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are about to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, "Oh, be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible; traveling by sea is so easy."You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there, but in the place itself.
By Diane Armitage printed in the April 21, 1995 "Dear Abby" column.

"We don't want any crazy today!" -friends

2008-12-10T18:49:00.009-07:00

I've had a hard time getting going today. Maybe it was because Blake was up all last night with a horrible cough and throwing up, or the 2 nights before with a bad fever. It could be that I took him to urgent care today because this is the kid who never tells me when he is feeling really sick and so when I finally do take him in we are hit with a "your son has a double ear infection and strep throat" from the doctor. And it could be the fact that it cost me $35.00 for them to tell me that his cough should go away on it's own and everything else seems fine too (better safe than sorry with him though right?). OR it could be that everytime I try to do something my kids start fighting and all I hear is screaming and crying; or that everytime i turn around blake has gotten into something he is not supposed to and made a mess (elmers glue allover...not easy to clean up.... and that white scented vacuum powder which incidentally makes the cough, along with our breathing, worse when dumped all over the kitchen floor and used as "snow". Or it could just be that time of the month. (too much info for you? sorry). Either way, it has just been a horrible day all around. I haven't showered, or really even felt like I wanted to go through all that trouble. I didn't get a workout in...bad bad for me and my weight loss. Now I am going to have to work that much harder these next few days. And the yelling levels in this house from me to the kids have gotten crazy. I never used to yell and I never thought I would...but these two little boys are testing the very edge of my sanity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some things that did help me feel better today....

*Shawn was able to take Blake for a little while to go pick up his contacts and so I put on a movie for Cole and layed on my bed with the newest issue of Creating Keepsakes

*The UPS man dropped this off

I got some really good deals on a few shirts for the boys. They think new clothes are great so they will work well as Christmas presents since they need them anyways!

* Finally, as I started to feel a little better, i brought out the kiddie game.

I needed these pictures today. With all the stress and grumpy feelings I have toward my kids right now, I needed to look at these and remember how cute they are too.

And one last thing tonight. Currently I am working on this- it will probably be awhile before I finish it though- A quote book for my boys that I will have printed up probably from Shutterfly with quotes from the last few General Conferences. Here's one page I have done for it so far:

December- Week One

2008-12-08T16:08:00.008-07:00

Our first week of December was filled with decorating, watching Christmas movies, singing Christmas songs and reading Christmas stories. We also made cupcakes and Blake even got to make a Christmas Chain at school to countdown until Christmas...he won't let me take off any of the links though, he wants them all to stay on!

It has been a happy couple of weeks for me too! I have lost 7 lbs and hope to lose at least 3 more before Christmas! I now weigh 1 pound less than I did when I got pregnant with Cole which feels so good. I know I shouldn't be judging my weight loss by actual poundage, but it's the easiest way. I weighed 139 when I got pregnant with Cole, 125 when I got pregnant with Blake, 120 when I got married and 117 my senior year of high school. Yes, I would love to be 117 again but right now, getting down to 135 by Christmas is my goal! I have been working hard at it though...no miracle weight solutions for me and it's not always fun but I have actually been pretty motivated which has been good. Anyways...hopefully in a few weeks I can tell you that I have lost those 3 lbs!! Wish me luck:0) (and the new jeans I just bought are already too big....I might have to have them tailored...but it's a good feeling!)

Kids say the Cutest Things

2008-12-06T11:01:00.004-07:00

Okay, so I had to write this down before it ended up lost in my mind forever. You always want to remember the little things!

Anyways, so back when we lived in our apartment in North Salt Lake, Cole used to wake up a lot during the night because he was scared. When we would ask him what he was scared of all he would say was "the frogs". He didn't really have any frog toys to play with so we could never figure out where these frogs he was so scared of were coming from. Shawn and I thought that it might be the crickets chirping outside his window so we just kept telling him that he was ok and that frogs aren't scary. Finally at our wits end one night (we were very tired) Shawn told Cole that a big bus took the frogs to the swamp and there were no more frogs. Afraid that Blake would not be able to get on the school bus after that we had to change it to the big BLACK bus. So, we stuck to that scenario. Everytime Cole would get scared we would say..."don't you remember? The big black bus took the frogs to the swamp." It was ingrained in his mind!

So, now on to the cute part

We haven't had to use that story for awhile...he is no longer scared of frogs. The other day we were outside raking leaves when the UPS man stopped by (now the dark brown of the truck would look black to some people). Cole just kept saying "he's coming to pick up all the frogs, he's coming to pick up all the frogs!" I had no idea what he was talking about! Then he said "yeah, he's going to take them to the swamp!" And then it clicked in my head. It was just too dang cute. Maybe you had to be there, but I don't want to forget this for anything...I think it just might become a scrapbook page! Kids really do say the cutest things...at least when they're not screaming!

Turkey Day 2008

2008-12-05T09:30:00.001-07:00

For Thanksgiving this year we all went to my mom's house in West Jordan. Last year Shawn was working on Thanksgiving (and on Christmas Eve and Christmas) so it was so great having him there with us this year! He got off work at 7 that morning and since he was south of salt lake anyways, he just went to my mom's house to sleep until we got there around 11:30. Poor guy had to work again from 5pm until 7 the next morning so he was a little grumpy the whole time. That's ok, I understand and forgive him:0) Mike and Erica were having Thanksgiving with Erica's family who came up from California, so we had five less people there which meant there was more dessert for us!! (although we missed you guys and the kiddos!) After we ate we took a walk with the kids to the park (Shawn opted to stay behind and take a mini nap) and it was definitely not as cold as it was last year. That's where we kind of went crazy with my camera and took a lot of pictures. These are just a handful of photos taken that day...

oh, and i did the table decor this year... (I needed to put those old Halloween pumpkins to good use before fall was over)

Forget Princess, I want to be a Vampire!

2008-11-24T19:08:00.006-07:00

Ok, so I finally got to go today and see Twilight! I have been looking foward to this movie for a LONG time! I gave in last year to my friends saying "you HAVE to read these books!!" (I kept thinking..."a book about vampires? ehhh...not really for me.") But I LOVED them and I read the first 3 in like 4 or 5 days. My house was not cleaned, my kids barely ate (ok, i might be kidding with that one...maybe) and if I had to go somewhere I would take the book with me and every spare second (and I mean SECOND) I would read one more sentence or paragraph! They were so addicting!! And I could relate so well to Bella (not in her whole, "i'm in love with a vampire thing" but other things that I might go into later...especially stuff in the second book). So when Breaking Dawn came out, I thought it was a little cheesy but still loved it in the fact that it contiued Edward and Bella's love story. (btw...if there was ever any doubt, I am all TEAM EDWARD!!)

I didn't get to go to the premiere because Shawn works graves, but I think it was better this way. I went all by my lonesome at 1:30 today...no screaming teenagers and early bird pricing. It's hard to coordinate schedules with others so I just figured going by myself would be fine and I really wanted to see it today. I wore the shirt I made (say I'm a geek, I don't care)

I had my milk duds (gas station size, not theater size) and a water bottle (I've lost 4 lbs this week so I didn't want to undo what I have done with popcorn and soda...go me!) and I was so ready to just sit, not talk to anyone and enjoy the movie. I guess I must have looked friendly though (which is weird because I tend to look more standoffish...not on purpose, it's just my look) because out of ALLLLLLLL the open seats, this chick decides to come and sit RIGHT NEXT TO ME!!! I wouldn't have minded so much if it was crowded, but the whole ROW was empty and she picked the spot right next to me. And she was a talker....I am not...i'm kind of a loner. So, she was in tears basically telling me about how much she loved the books and loves stephenie meyers. Then she kept critiquing EVERYTHING in the movie...which sad to say, I was not really impressed with. It didn't disappoint, because it's still Twilight, my favorite book series, but I didn't like any of the characters and the fact that they didn't have time to develop the characters (especially Edward and Bella) just left it lacking in emotion and passion for me. Of course, it's not going to be as good as the books, especially because we see totally different things (and people) in our imagination, but i think it could have been a lot better.

So, I will probably see it in the theater again, because after all....it's TWILIGHT! and I will definitely buy it when it comes out on DVD but I will continue to reread the books (over and over and over......).

On a different note...my little man Blake has his first loose tooth. Aw, I can't believe how fast they grow!

Date Night!!

2008-11-19T22:06:00.002-07:00

Thanks again to Cortney for watching the boys for us! We went bowling...woohoo! Although, not a great idea when your tendinitis is acting up...it got pretty painful and we left before our last game was done. Then we went out to eat at Iggy's and just enjoyed not having to lug around the kids or worry about them acting up at a restaurant. Then we headed to the mall for some browsing (of course I had to buy Blake some new jeans so we did think about the kids a little:0) ) It's amazing how you realize your kids are getting older when you don't think about them every minute while your on your date and worry about what they are doing (or getting into). It was a great date and something we need to do more often!!! (next time will be the batting cages...which I wanted to do today, but we opted for bowling). I love you Shawn!!! November 25th will be our 10 year anniversary since the day we started "going out"!!!!

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